The Parent’s Role in Building Resilience, Not Just Results

If you’re a parent of an athlete, you know the drill: carpools, practices, long weekends at tournaments, endless snacks and laundry. Along the way, there’s a quiet hope running underneath: I just want them to do well.

But we all know “that catch.” We’ve probably seen it in other parents and guardians…and maybe even within ourselves. When “doing well” can slip into “winning at all costs.” When scores become the main measure of success, athletes often learn that their worth is tied to outcomes. And that can set them up for anxiety, burnout, or a fragile sense of self.

There’s another way. Parents can play a profound role in helping athletes develop resilience — the ability to bounce back from setbacks, stay grounded under pressure, and find meaning beyond results.

And I’ll be honest: I write this not only as a therapist and former athlete, but also as a parent of an athlete myself. I’m navigating these waters, too — sitting in the stands, celebrating small wins, and learning how to support without adding pressure. This journey is not just professional for me; it’s personal.

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Why Resilience Matters More Than Results

Results will eventually fade into history…the trophy gathers dust, the record gets broken, the medal ends up in a box. What stays with athletes long after the season ends is how they learned to handle challenges.

Resilient athletes:

• See mistakes as opportunities to grow
• Stay steady in the face of setbacks
• Develop confidence rooted in effort, not outcomes
• Carry those strengths into school, relationships, and eventually, adulthood

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How Parents Can Foster Resilience in Athletes

Here are a few simple but powerful ways you can shift the focus from results to resilience:

1. Praise Effort, Not Just Outcomes

Instead of: “Great job winning!”
Try: “I’m proud of how hard you worked today.”

2. Normalize Struggle

When athletes face setbacks, resist the urge to rescue or minimize. Instead say: “I know that loss stings — and I also know you’ll learn from it.”

3. Model Healthy Coping

Kids are watching. When you handle stress with perspective and patience, they learn to do the same.

4. Keep Identity Bigger Than Sport

Remind your athlete: “You’re more than what happens on the field. I love watching you play, but I love you simply for who you are.”

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For Coaches: Partnering With Parents

Coaches can invite parents into resilience-building by:

• Sharing team values that emphasize growth over perfection
• Offering language parents can use after games (“I love to watch you play”)
• Modeling calm presence in the face of wins and losses

When parents and coaches work together, athletes thrive not just as competitors, but as whole people.

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Car-Ride-Home Questions for Parents

The car ride home is one of the most powerful moments for shaping how athletes see themselves. Instead of jumping straight into critique or praise, try these gentle, resilience-building questions:

1. “What was one thing you learned about yourself today?”
2. “What part of the competition or practice felt most fun?”
3. “What’s one thing you’re proud of, no matter the score?”

These kinds of questions help athletes reflect, build perspective, and remember that they are more than the numbers on the scoreboard.

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Final Thought

Wins and losses come and go, but resilience can last a lifetime. As parents, the way we show up — with presence, patience, and unconditional love — can teach athletes that their value isn’t tied to performance, but to who they’re becoming.

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Stay Connected

If you’re a parent or coach looking for more ways to support athletes with balance, growth, and resilience, subscribe to Athlete Illuminated or explore resources at lcollinslcsw.com.

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In solidarity,
Laura

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Reflection Prompts

Take a few minutes after practice, a game, or even during a quiet moment to reflect:

1. How do I usually respond after a tough game or competition?
2. What kind of support helps me bounce back the most?
3. What’s one thing I can try next time to recover more quickly from disappointment?

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Note: This and every Athlete Illuminated post is for educational purposes only and not a replacement for mental health treatment. If you are in urgent need of mental health support, please call 9-8-8. If you are experiencing an emergency, please call 9-1-1 or go to your nearest emergency room. For ongoing mental health concerns, consider seeking professional support or therapy.